Still I Rise
A Reflection on my Identity Reveal
Last week, we were inactive on Instagram. Several members of the Black N Brown at DP community noticed and asked if we were okay. While we, the organizers of this collective, tried to put on a strong front, our community’s instincts were right. Something was definitely wrong…
On July 20th, 2020, while covertly participating in the Marlboro Select Board Meeting regarding the sale of a local college campus to Seth Andrew and Democracy Builders, my identity as a member of the Black N Brown at DP collective was maliciously revealed. Two former classmates, Alize (Jay) Smith and Michael Cummings Jr., chose to state my name to the public without my consent. I have a lot of mixed emotions about this, and after taking a few days to process the hurt and the trauma, I am ready to reconcile with my new reality.
Today I want to share the importance of respecting one another and our rights to privacy.
But first, I want to reclaim my narrative and introduce myself.
My name is Lindsay Bailey. I am a member of the Black & Brown at DP Collective.
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I’ll rise
From 2006 to 2013, I attended Democracy Prep Charter Middle School (DPCMS) and Democracy Prep Charter High School (DPCHS). I then graduated from Lehigh University in 2017 with a Bachelor’s of Science in Business and Economics, with a Marketing Concentration. I am a global citizen who is curious about the world around me and the role I play in driving change and inclusiveness. As such, I was excited to jump into the world of activism for racial and educational justice.
When I heard that a Marlboro Select Board meeting had been scheduled for July 20th, I was really excited. The first meeting that Black N Brown at DP had attended with the Select Board in early July went well, and the town of Marlboro seemed really receptive to hearing from us directly. Since then, articles from The Brattleboro Reformer and The Commons News were released with new statements from Democracy Builder’s Degrees of Freedom team. The reporters for these articles were probably well-intentioned and tried to address both sides of the narrative, but they had clear inaccuracies listed that played right into Seth’s spin of himself as a sympathetic figure aiming to help black communities. Since the launch of Black N Brown at DP, Seth and his team have utilized gas-lighting tactics to paint our collective as an anonymous smear campaign that promotes “cancel culture.” Given this, I intended to speak at the board meeting during the time for public comments and combat some of the criticisms of our work. I also wanted to ask Seth, who I knew would eventually listen to the audio, some real questions about how genuine this period of atonement is for him.
It wasn’t until about 15 minutes before the Select Board meeting was scheduled to begin, that I reviewed the full agenda sent to us by Ariel Poster, a Marlboro resident who has helped amplify our voices in Vermont. Upon reading, I noticed that there would be a presentation about Degrees of Freedom, and saw several familiar names attached: Seth… Jay… Cummings…
My body was shocked with tensing nerves. While I had given anonymous verbal testimony before under the pseudonym Telling Truth, and am aware that Seth and his team had heard the audio, the July 20th meeting would be the first time I would be speaking with them present. I feared that my right to privacy would not be honored and that those who might recognize my voice would retaliate by revealing my identity. These circumstances inspired an internal debate about whether I wanted to reveal myself publicly or not, but following the advice of Shakira O’Kane, another member of the collective who came forward publicly that night, I followed my heart. It was not the right time to disclose my identity. I did not want attention focused on me, as the voices and experiences of our collective Black N Brown at DP community is the greater mission.
But my choice to remain anonymous was stripped away.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
’Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Two and a half hours into the meeting, my time to speak finally came. After presenting my statement, I felt a sense of calm. Sharing truth brought me peace, but as the adrenaline started to wear down, I heard Jay say my name. “We were already doing the work, but I think it’s good that everyone knows and will hold us accountable because we don’t have a problem [with] being held accountable, [with] making sure that we are doing the anti racist work. So I just wanted to point that out for what Lindsay said about responding after the page launched.”
Unfortunately, I expected this behavior from Jay, but it didn’t stop my anger or disappointment. Not long after her comments, Michael Cummings Jr., son of Degrees of Freedom designer and board member Marcy Cummings, gave a second public comment where on two occasions he said, “Lindsay…oh, sorry I meant Telling Truth.” He feigned as if it were a mistake, but it was clear to me, and to several others who reached out to check on me after the meeting, that this affront was anything but an accident. In addition to this, a person who named themselves “Telling Truths” on ZOOM added to the comments, “Yes! what Lindsay said! financials???” and “I think Lindsay Bailey (Telling Truth) has valid points.” Their IP location and now deleted Instagram account (which existed primarily as an attempt to discredit Black N Brown at DP) suggest that “Telling Truths” is merely a burner account. Nevertheless, these actions were inconsiderate and harmful.
But this is also a teachable moment for the movement that we are in.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops,
Weakened by my soulful cries?
During the Marlboro Select Board Meeting, there were at least 10 incidents when the Degrees of Freedom team and their allies stated that they, in some part, support Black N Brown at DP’s existence, are learning from the page, and do not wish to invalidate the experiences of others. Michael and Jay’s actions, however, are the complete antithesis of those sentiments. Revealing the identity behind an anonymous testimonial without consent is a fear tactic. It is a form of bullying. It attempts to send a clear message to anyone thinking of anonymously submitting in the future: cross us and we will screw you. This is not an example of leaning into criticism, as Seth and Jay mentioned their willingness to do. This is an attempt to eradicate criticism completely.
The actions of my former classmates are concrete examples of why victims and survivors are afraid to come forward with their stories. According to the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, about 75% of all workplace harassment goes unreported. This is in large part due to fear of retaliation, whether that be financially, legally or socially. Now consider this: when we talk about workplace harassment, we are discussing adults. If adults don’t feel comfortable disclosing their experiences, imagine what must be true for a Democracy Prep Student, who can be anywhere from 4 to 18 years old.
Black and brown people often opt to remain silent about their encounters with racist people and/or institutions for multiple reasons. Some victims become numb to toxic interactions. Others need time to process their emotions. In many cases, victims do not immediately recognize the interaction as harmful given the normalization of white dominance in our country’s culture, and instead, internalize the hatred. These truths are further complicated by the fact that institutional racism and related acts of aggression can be perpetuated by the most well-intentioned people, no matter their race. Thus, we must all acknowledge and heal from our exercises of racism and our experiences with racial trauma to evolve as a society.
Jay and Michael, as a designer and an advocate for Degrees of Freedom, made it clear that they are more than willing to silence any potentially harmful viewpoints they deem as detrimental to their brand. Their decision to reveal my identity, simply because I have an opposing narrative, worries me about what is to come with the new Degrees of Freedom program. How can we trust the Degrees of Freedom board to ensure equitable governance and organizational practices if future students, staff and faculty attempt to come forward with their stories of harm? This potential school will predominantly target and serve people of color, and I fear that the legacy of trauma from Democracy Prep, including that which occurred at the Select Board Meeting, may continue to affect hundreds, if not thousands, of black and brown people.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I’ll rise.
At the end of the day, no matter our methods, we are all looking to achieve the same goal: to uplift and enrich black and brown people and their communities. To do this, we must listen to black and brown voices when they speak up, even when their truths are not our own. Just because we like an organization or had a positive experience there, that does not negate the experiences of others. Both the positive and negative experiences are valid and need to be acknowledged.
We may not agree on the role that Seth Andrew plays in perpetuating systemic racism, or whether Degrees of Freedom is the solution to the problem, but we can agree that conversations about racial injustice are absolutely necessary. Given this, we need to respect the whistle blowers who are coming forward and initiating this dialogue. Having these conversations is hard, but they play a critical step in creating the change that we are all looking for.
To the Black N Brown at DP community reading this, know that you are valued. I, and the rest of the organizers, will continue to work diligently to amplify your voices. It is because of you that an entire city stopped to listen and that this movement steadily increases. We are committed to honoring the stories that you have so bravely shared and continuing to protect your anonymity. Though Jay and Michael’s choices to reveal my identity are unfortunate, they do not scare me. In fact, they reinforced how significant and necessary our work is, and served as a reminder of our power.
Now I will continue this hard work under the public lens.
